The One With All The Madness

Oh my good Lord.

I don't even know where to begin, there is just so much stuff to tell you.

I ended up going to Ohio for my grandfather's hip surgery. He survived and is doing okay. Still in the hospital but expected to pull through. He is in a lot of pain and is very uncomfortable since they could do nothing for his broken shoulder. It is all swollen and black and blue and the fluids they pump into him are seeping out through his very thin skin. But he is under constant care and they are looking after him well. What I am concerned about it my grandmother. Once I left she is now all alone and my grandfather is in a hospital 40 minutes away. My aunt takes her when she can but I worry about my grandmother staying in that house alone and not eating or sleeping. It was hard for me to get her to do those things when I was there. She's 84 and no spring chicken herself.

I didn't get paid for the four days I was off work to go to Ohio. So my last paycheck was considerably short. The fact that we can hardly get by when I work when I should caused for some huge problems when we had about $400 less than we should have. Also, I probably won't get paid for the Thanksgiving holiday since I did not work the day before (a condition of getting paid double for holidays.) And since they were understanding enough to let me go I agreed to fill in whenever I was needed. So I have some morning shifts coming up. Joy.

My brother came to town the day I returned to Vegas. He was expected to start his new job tomorrow, the Monday after Thanksgiving. However, he had a difficult time getting a hold of the man in charge to figure out when his apartment and everything would be ready. Finally he talked to him yesterday...and his job will not be ready until maybe December 13th. So my poor brother could have stayed in Houston where he had a job and made some more money. Now he is stuck in Vegas with no job, no income and forced to stay with us. He's not sure what to do since he wanted to go back to Massachusetts for Christmas. I feel like he is my kid and I'm worrying about his future. He knows he can stay with us as long as he needs to, but we are boring and I know he is bored already. He needs to get his own place so he can have his own life.

The house may finally be coming to a close with the short sale. We are expected to sign the papers this Thursday, four days before the deadline to close. I am not getting my hopes up until I am told to hand over the keys and that we are free and clear and done. Holidays don't make closing on houses easy either because no one works the day before or after so we were out five whole days with no action last week when you add in the weekend.

I tried to walk as much as I could while I was in Ohio and eat well but with the hours spent in the hospital it was a bit difficult. Since I left last Friday I didn't get to write about last week's accomplishment. I was down to 248.5 pounds! I was amazed that I managed to lose that much in a week. However, this past Thursday, before eating any Thanksgiving food, I weighed myself and I had not lost any more weight. But I was not totally surprised what with the travel and weird hours and jet lag. And then since I have gotten back I have not been able to get myself up to walk before work due to readjusting to my schedule again. However, I do walk on the treadmill at work so that is something. I won't be surprised if I don't lose anything this week either. But I will get right back on track, I know it.

Oh, and I have the Worst Travel Experience Story to share too. But that will have to wait until next time...

The One With The Week One Progress

Starting Weight: 257.5
Weight Today: 253

I am trying not to get too excited by those numbers since I am sure I only lost about two pounds. The first number came from when I was weighed on a different scale with all my clothes on after eating a huge lunch four days before my period started. The second number was taken in the middle of my period, naked and first thing in the morning. So this week is not completely accurate. For me the number that will really chart my progress will be next week's. Although I am very happy it did go down and not up.

Today we added more weight to my leg weights and tacked on another 15 minutes to our walk. It was a blustery cold and windy time but we did it. We completed our walk. Charming charted the complaints I had throughout the 45 minute trek and wanted me to list them here:

~These weights are too heavy.
~My feet hurt.
~My legs hurt.
~I have a stitch in my side.
~My ears are too cold.
~My ears hurt.
~The wind is pushing against me.
~My back hurts.
~I can't talk because I can't breathe.
~I'm hungry.
~I don't want to go anymore.
~Those cars driving by are too loud.
~My butt is sweating.
~I have a puddle of not good things in my pants.
~My shirt keeps riding up.
~Are we done yet???

I really am a whiny bitch when exercising.

But Charming would also like me to tell you that I didn't quit and finished the walk and all my exercises after. So while I may be complaining a lot, at least I am still doing what I need to do and he is proud of me. I really have no choice, he is a slave driver. In fact I think I may have muttered one more complaint that he didn't include...something about wishing bad things upon him if he would just let me stop. He knows I don't mean anything I say when I am pushing myself so maybe that's why it didn't make the list.

I was unsure if I was going to walk today due to the issue I had early this morning. I was awakened by the feeling of having a bowel movement, but out the other hole. I made it to the toilet and the scene that unfolded was the worst I have ever endured. Pieces as big as two half dollars were vacating my body. I had to run a bath because there was no way to clean myself up enough with just toilet paper. I remembered all of your helpful and concerned comments about my periods on my previous post and this scared me enough to put a call in to the doctor, which I am still waiting to hear a response from. I mean, it woke me up it was so massive. That just can't be right. I only hope it is nothing huge because I'm not sure if I can take more bad news.

It seems like that is the only kind I get.

*Don't forget to check out the Healthy Blogger Club blog! I'm even featured in the Wednesday post! Join us in our fight to get healthy.

The One With The Workout Update

It's Day Five in what Charming has been calling Whip (Princess)'s Butt Into Shape, which makes the really cool acronym WABIS that he shouts at me when I say I want to lie down and coma for awhile.

"Come on, remember how good you feel after you WABIS!"

"Don't quit now, this WABIS will get you to your goal!"

"If you don't WABIS, no zipline for you."

So then I scream a little more and do the exercises and huff and puff and wish to die to stop the pain but then it's over and I feel...okay. I am not quite to the point where those glorious endorphins kick in and make me turn into an exercise goddess. There's still too much fat for them to fight through.

I have not had a soda since Tuesday. In fact I have not had anything other than water since Wednesday, besides a glass of orange juice yesterday. If I am hungry, I have a glass of water. So far I have not felt like my stomach is eating itself yet. I have been eating salads and sandwiches and have stayed away from fast food and too much chocolate. Hey, I couldn't give up caffeine and chocolate completely cold turkey! I would go into shock. So it is only a mini-bar from our Halloween supply a day in my dinner. And I look forward to it so much it is an actual treat.

I don't feel any better or different yet. Although I am sleeping through the night from pure exhaustion. I walk 30 minutes every morning, with weights on my ankles and hand weights. I then do five sets of going up and down the stairs, 10 leg lifts on each leg and five with both to strengthen my abdominal muscles. All of this is with the leg weights too. And let me tell you, I can feel it in my stomach. I also added a 30 minute walk on the treadmill at work during my dinner break. I figure moving a bit more wouldn't hurt. Thursday is my weigh day to see if I have accomplished anything. I am doubting I see a change so soon, but Charming is confident we will see some weight loss from just the no soda/water all the time thing. I didn't have the heart to tell him I am due for my period so anything I may have lost will be back in water weight.

I am getting a bit more help from my friend pogonip who had resurrected her Healthy Blogger Club blog. I plan on making frequent visits there and chart my progress as well as see what great healthy ideas other bloggers come up with. If you get a chance stop on by and check it out and contribute if you wish.

So I am moving and doing and working as hard as I can for now. Charming is a drill sergeant and he promises to increase my exercising each week so I am constantly building. Next week we walk for 45 minutes and put more reps of stairs and leg lifts into the program. Possibly incorporate bike rides and some basketball in there too. He has been a great supporter and wonderful with coming up with ideas. So for now I am working it.

I just hope I don't get bored because that is when I shut down.

The One With The Humiliation

Some people are motivated very easily. They know they have to do something and they do it.

Others, like myself, know they have to do something but can't seem to get around to it. Something better, more reasonable, or something easier comes along and they do that instead. These people need a kick in the pants hard enough to jump start their motivation. An event that shows them exactly how dire a circumstance has become and that swift action is needed.

I received this kind of jump start yesterday. And let me tell you all something...

Humiliation is a HUGE motivator.

Since the beginning of October I have been looking forward to trying out a new attraction downtown on Fremont Street. A company installed a zipline that shoots you high above the street underneath the Fremont Street Experience canopy. I have had several friends and co-workers ride this experience and all have said how amazing it was. I told Charming that was all I wanted to do for my birthday. Because we were in Massachusetts on our days off before my birthday we decided to go down yesterday and experience the thrills and chills for ourselves.

Leading up to yesterday I was so excited about being able to ride this zipline I was talking to everyone about it. I told people in Massachusetts when we were visiting. Other co-workers knew about me going, I mentioned it to friends that rode earlier in the week that I would be doing it myself on Wednesday. Of course, I put it Facebook. One of my friends at work even set me up with a VIP pass since she knew the guy who ran the company that created the ride. I was psyched! It was the first time in a long time I was looking forward to something fun.

We arrived down at Fremont Street around 4:30 PM. I wanted to make sure I got in at least three rides and at least one of those at night while all the lights of downtown pulsated and flashed around me. As we walked up to the area where you start the ride I stood transfixed as I watched people zipping along, screaming in delight high above me and couldn't wait to get up there myself. I love these kinds of things, roller coasters, amusement rides, etc. Very rarely do I get the opportunity to go on them any more since Charming no longer seeks these thrills himself. However, he was excited about the zipline too and was planning on joining me for the ride.

Now, I knew about there being a weight limit. I am realistic that they can not let everyone go down the zipline for insurance reasons. If you are too heavy the equipment may not work properly. I certainly did not wish to be splattered all over the pavement while drunk tourists sidestepped my broken body. So I made sure to check with my friend about what the weight requirements were. She assured me it was 260 pounds. Knowing I in no way weighed close to that I felt sure that I could ride safely.

We walked into the ticket office and I asked for who my friend told us would be helping us with the VIP package. Immediately they knew my name and said how excited they were for me to try the ride for my birthday. They handed us the release forms and we began to fill them out. When we were done the young girl sealed my fate with one sentence:

"Okay, and if you could just step on the scale right over here we'll make sure you are not over the weight limit."

Something made me pause. I knew what my friend had told me about the weight limit but I needed to ask this girl who actually worked here what the number was.

"So, what is the weight limit?" I asked.

"250 pounds," she replied.

Now, I haven't weighed myself since January when I went to the gyno and they did their yearly checks and balances of my physique. I knew I wasn't nearly close to 250 then, but something chilled me in that instant. Right then I feared I was going to be humiliated in the worst way possible for a woman to be humiliated.

I stepped on the scale and read the numbers that flashed in front of me in disbelief.

257.5.

257.5? Two hundred and fifty-seven and a half pounds? How? How do I weigh that much?

A part of my brain couldn't fathom a number that high in reference to my weight. I felt like those people on The Biggest Loser who step on the scale for the first time and can't believe the number that comes up. I couldn't weigh that much. I didn't feel like I weighed that much. I didn't look like I weighed that much when I saw myself in the mirror. Sure, I knew I was heavy but not THAT heavy. How could that be my number? How could I have gained over 100 pounds in the seven years since we got married? HOW?? I was blindsided. I was horrified. I was humiliated.

The worst part was having to tell the smiling young girl, so excited for me to ride and who now looked like someone punched her kitten in the face, that I guess I would have to lose ten pounds and come back. She quickly recovered and nodded and said yes, of course, come back when you...

And her trailing off there was what almost made me break down in front of her. Come back when you don't weigh so much and can ride is what I filled in for myself. I managed to get outside before the tears began to fall. How did I let this happen to myself? I was never the skinny girl but I have never EVER been like this. I was so ashamed of myself that I just started sobbing in the middle of the street, which made me even more upset because now I was the fat, crying girl losing it in public.

Then I thought about everyone who knew about me riding the zipline and expecting a report back of how it was. My parents, friends, co-workers, even my brother-in-law who had called us right before we went into the building and told us to have fun and let him know how it went. What was I going to tell all of them? I would have to relive this humiliation over and over again as I confessed I didn't ride because I wasn't allowed due to my weight.

Charming was amazing. He held me and told me we could fix this. He said we would get up every day and walk at least a half an hour to start. I would stop drinking soda and we would both start eating better and not late at night. He became my champion, my coach and from the way he kicked my ass around this morning he may just get me to my goal.

Because that total humiliation proved to me I can't put off losing weight any longer. I needed to do something now because I am on the edge of disaster. Everything in my life depends on me turning things around right now. Because I will have an easier time with my stomach issues, with my knee, with getting pregnant, with possibly being HAPPY, if I just stick with this and lose some weight. I am miserable and I am a mess, but I can fix it.

And I have some goals. One long-term and one short-term. The long-term one is to make myself healthy and baby-friendly. The short-term one is simpler. To lose 15 pounds by the end of December so I can go back to that zipline and ride the ride I have been waiting for.

And I'm getting an all-day pass and riding the hell out of it.