My favorite show ever.
This is the musical I dreamed about being a part of. I yearned to play Eponine or Cosette. As I got older I realized I could probably pull off Fantine too, I did sing "I Dreamed A Dream" at my senior year theatre concert. But Eponine was MY part. I was Eponine. I know her songs, her parts, her angst at loving a man who would never love her in that way back inside and out. And I would get to die on stage. I always found that to be so romantic. I can sing "On My Own" like no body's business and have used it for several auditions. I wanted to play Eponine and be a part of that show so badly I would practice, practice, practice. I dreamed a dream that one day I would make that dream come true.
But I never did. I never even went so far as to look into auditioning. All because I never really thought I would be good enough. I could have trained and worked to make it come true but I went another direction. I chose a different path. And I think I shall always regret that.
Watching this performance today made me nostalgic for my theatre days. I loved performing and I miss being on stage. Theatre, singing and acting was such a huge part of my life for so many years, to suddenly not be doing it any more feels wrong. Like a part of me is not quite right. Maybe that is why I feel so unsettled, so not like me lately. I am missing an integral part of my soul, my being.
I just don't know how to get theatre back into my life. I would love to be a part of a show again, to perform again. About as close as I get to performing these days is when I manage to get in some karaoking here and there. And that is not quite what I would call performing. I need to find a way to let my musical nature be indulged. Because I feel incomplete without it.
In the meantime, I'm still dreaming the dream of making my theatre dreams come true. Who knows, maybe I'll find my way to the big Broadway stage yet.
That's what dreams are for, right?
