1. Fall TV is a mere two weeks away and I can barely gather the energy to plan out my Tivo schedule.
2. I have yet to watch the final episode of The Glee Project.
3. When faced with the option of either mindlessly watching TV or losing myself in a good book I chose to…sleep.
4. I had a kitty wanting to snuggle with me and instead I pushed her to the ground because I had no energy to even pet her.
5. A guy cut me off and almost made me crash on the highway and I didn’t even give him the finger.
6. I cried during an episode of Law and Order I happened to be flipping channels past because the cop was being mean to the supposed bad guy (I had no idea what was going on in the episode) In fact, I'm crying at the stupidest things. I also seem to freak out over the stupidest things too.
7. On the other hand a coworker told me about his step-mother-in-law’s tragic accident and the family having to decide what to do and I felt not one stirring of any emotion. That scared me.
8. I can not find the energy to do anything, even things I usually enjoy, let alone things like laundry, cleaning and various tasks I need to do. Thus I am finding recycling socks and cat litter covering the tile floor are not so bad.
9. I don’t want to talk to anyone because the idea of trying to explain everything that is going on and why I sound depressed is too overwhelming to even think about let alone execute.
10. I am snapping at Charming for the littlest things. I don’t mean to be mean, I don’t want to be, but I can’t stop myself.
One more, because this one is most troubling of all: I am not getting as upset with shit at work like I usually do. Either I have accepted it is going to suck or I just don’t have the energy to care anymore. I know I have to get out of there but I don’t know what to do. Seems silly to leave a job that pays somewhat well when so many are out there unable to find work.
I am also so disgusted with myself and how I look, how I have let myself go. But it is too overwhelming to try to do anything about it. I fear I am passed the point of any help.
So this is why I can’t seem to blog. Which is ironic because so much is going on and I know talking about it would probably help, blogging should be the logical course for me to deal. But I can’t muster up anything extra in order to write things out. I barely have enough energy to get through my day to day. Too many horrible things are happening and I am getting overwhelmed. I would love to be able to go to bed for a month and hope everything will work itself out, but I know that is not going to happen. I know I should get everything out, I know it would help, especially with the depression, but I just don’t care. I don’t care about much any more. I don’t care to talk, to do anything. I just need to try and be.
Because just being is so hard for me right now.
