Sunday, September 11, 2011

The One About The Day That Changed Everything

Ten years.

How has it been ten years already?

I can still remember every tiny detail of that day. They are crystal clear, like watching a movie in my mind. A horror movie I can't look away from.

I remember being awakened by my best friend M a little after 9 AM. I remember working the night shift only a few hours before and was not happy about being pulled from my bed. But being in the news business she knew something like a plane hitting the World Trade Center was big news and I would want to see it. I remember stumbling into the living room, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and focusing on the TV right before the second plane hit. I remember my knees falling out from under me.

I remember seeing but not believing that what I was witnessing was really happening. That it must be a joke, a scene from a movie. I remember the tears starting to fall and not stopping. I remember the fear choking my throat as M and I held each other and sat on the couch, captivated by the horrible images playing over and over again in front of us.

I remember needing to talk to Charming and my family. I remember not being able to get through to them and this making me panic. I remember finally getting a hold of Charming, hearing that he had been trying to call me too, and the relief I felt when he told me he was coming to me.

I remember finally getting through to my mother and the terror in her voice as she told me her news channel was saying another hijacked plane was entering Cleveland's airspace. I remember hearing M talking to her mother on her phone and telling me they were evacuating downtown Cleveland and her mother was being forced to leave her building. I remember looking out our high rise patio doors and seeing a huge plane, larger than life, turning around over the lake and heading back East. I remember woodenly telling my mother that plane was flying past our apartment and her pleading with me to get out of our building.

That chilling moment is one that replays over and over. That terror of the unknown rooted me to the spot, staring at that plane, not knowing if it would turn to come at me. It froze me in a way I hope I never again experience.

I remember flipping through channels on the TV and everyone showing the same images, even MTV. I remember seeing that second plane fly into the second tower over and over again. I remember watching the Pentagon burn and thinking what's next? I remember seeing people throw themselves out of the World Trade Center, preferring to fall to their deaths instead of burning alive. I remember remarking to M the stations will stop showing those images soon because they were too gruesome.

When the first tower fell, I remember screaming. And then it was silent for just a few moments as the reality sank in. That life will now never be the same again.

I remember hearing that the plane that flew past our windows had crashed in Pennsylvania. I remember wondering where that plane had been headed. I remember calling work to see if M and I needed to come in early. We were told no, so we just sat and watched the TV.

When the second tower fell, I remember being numb. I remember not having the capacity to understand what had just happened. I remember crying. I don't think I stopped crying for days.

I remember Charming coming to our door and just holding me. He had made what was usually a 2 hour drive in just under an hour and 15 minutes. I remember we sat and watched the TV for hours.

Over the next few days I went back and forth to work as we stood vigil over the network coverage of the tragedy. We were on stand-by but we all knew we wouldn't break in with anything local while network had control. The footage was just too compelling. It was amazing to see all the TV networks working together for once, a small sign of how the entire Nation came together on that day. For a few days, we were all united. We were all one Nation. We were all together in this tragedy.

Charming tried to make sure I ate and slept and the TV stayed on 24/7. I couldn't stop watching the stories pouring out and gripping my heart. I felt like if I didn't watch I would be doing a disservice to those who died. Funny how now watching footage from that day is so hard, so heart wrenching. Back then I couldn't get enough and now I can't stand to watch.

I think about 9/11 more often than I thought I would. When I fly or when we do a story on the war in Afghanistan, 9/11 haunts my mind. I wonder if others think about it as much as I do. When I most think about it is when I consider bringing a child into a post 9/11 world and how sorry I am that they won't know how life was before that day. How we felt safe and secure and how bad things feel now. I know everything going on in the world today is not directly the result of 9/11, but it is hard for me to not think about our happy before and this tragic and scary after.

To those who lost their lives ten years ago today, I mourn that you were taken in such a way. Needlessly ripped away from loved ones in a malicious act of defiance. To the brave men and women who ran into the burning buildings while making sure everyone else got out, you are true heroes. To the amazing Americans that took their fate in their own hands and brought down United 93, thank you for the sacrifice you made to save more lives. To the families missing a loved one, especially those children who did not even get the chance to meet their parent, (the footage of young Patrick Mate Lyons reading this letter to the father he never met at the firefighters' memorial mass yesterday had me in tears) I keep you in my heart and know you will meet them again some day.

9/11 may have destroyed a lot of things that day. But the one thing it could never take away was the American spirit. And for that I am forever proud to be an American.

Never forget.


4 Deposits in the Crazy Bin:

Marie said...

Can't believe it's been 10 years since I woke you up that day. Amazing how much has changed. My heart still breaks for all those lost.

pogonip said...

All the loss, the heroism, the sense of unity in the face of evil, the knowledge that our sense of safety had disappeared. I haven't read my journal entries for that period of time since I wrote them.

Your personal story has stayed with me thru the years since you first shared it with me, and the sweetness of Charming's concern is one of the few silver linings from that day.

Stay strong and look forward. ((hugs))

TonjiaT said...

Flight 93 crashed 10 minutes from our house, (by air) I don't want to think about the horror we all experienced... I just thank God that we are all still here.

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