Another cycle and it's all the same.
I'm not pregnant.
Again.
It has now been over a year and a half since we started trying. More than nine months of me religiously tracking ovulation and fertile times. And in the past six months we have started doing everything I could read about how to get pregnant. Granted we had a few months in there where we couldn't do much because of my knee but that was really only the month or two after my surgery.
So why am I not knocked up yet?
I know, everyone says it will happen. That it will happen when it's supposed to happen. That I am probably too stressed for it to happen right now.
But I am getting so frustrated. Especially since it seems everyone around me are having babies. People who got married after me. People who are younger than me. People who didn't want kids in the first place.
A story we covered today at work pushed me over the edge. A woman tried to drown her three kids because she just didn't want to take care of them any more. I started to cry, hard, as I wondered about the injustice of a world that allows someone like that have three babies and people like Charming and I who desperately want a child can't seem to conceive. I wish you had to get a license to have a child. You need one to drive a car, heck you even need one to fish. But any idiot can become a parent. People don't realize what a blessing children are. To those of us who struggle to have a child, seeing others just toss that gift aside angers me.
I know we still have options open to us. We still have things to pursue. But I wanted to get this done the old-fashioned way.
Meanwhile the need grows every day.
8 Deposits in the Crazy Bin:
Oh it's always the way, people who'd be great parents have trouble conceiving and it seems like the local crackheads are popping them out four at a time!
You need to r..e..l..a..x
Have you ever read the secret? It's about the power of positive thinking and how positive thoughts attract positive things. My sister has been raving about it so I'm going to buy it, we should read it together :)
I agree with Sarah-- relax, and think good thoughts! Focus on the HAPPY. You can do it! :-)
I feel the same way when I read stories about mothers hurting their babies. I'm like, "I'll take it!" because crap, I don't even have a boyfriend, let alone a husband, to knock me up! And I'm 35 now. My time is rapidly disappearing, and if you think *that* doesn't spook the hell out of me, you're crazy. Then again, I might be fated to adopt. I've always thought so. It doesn't change the fact that a part of me does cry out for my own child.
Good luck, sweetie! I think if you laugh a lot you can get pregnant. Yeah. So go watch funny movies and be a dork! :-) :-)
It's frustrating trying to get pregnant. God sent us here to multiple and replenish the earth but then made it so difficult for so many people to do! I know how you feel, 3 years ago we were in the same boat and I had all the same feelings and thoughts that you are having.
My recommendation is go to the doctor. Get checked for any infertility problems. Also have your husband go get a sperm analasys done. In our case we both had issues.
In the end I was on chlomid for one month and we did insemination. It worked the first time. 20 months after we had our son we were blessed with another unexpected little guy.
Good things do come to those who wait. It just sucks waiting!
So, you've been tracking your ovulation, but have you actually purchased and used an ovulation kit. One that says very clearly "GREEN LIGHT! GO NOW! TODAY! RIGHT THIS MINUTE!" ?
Just wonderin'. Because I hear they work. Might be worth a shot if you haven't tried it already.
Other than that, I can only reiterate what others have said: relax, have fun, take the pressure off.
Also, I'm going to reiterate what I've been saying since I've known you: Your JOB and your SCHEDULE have EFFED UP YOUR ENDOCRINE SYSTEM! Not only are you stressed and sleep deprived, but sleep deprivation messes with our bodies on a chemical and hormonal level. You may not be able to conceive until/unless you get yourself back on a regular day-and-night routine and rid yourself of work-related stress. Altered sleep rhythms doesn't just effect mood and body weight issues, it affects EVERY PART OF YOU!
Hi lady, I'm probably the least credible to be posting on this since it seems like the past 5 years, I just look at my husband and I get pregnant but I can say that I know how it feels to want something very much and feel like no matter how hard I try/pray/wish/wait we never seem any closer to it becoming "our" reality. So then the "process" starts happening...the comparing "why them and not us?", the doubting "what's wrong with me?", the quantifying "what more can I do?" and then hopefully sooner than later, you start to be ready to open yourself up to possibilities. I think for me, it's more a product of exhaustion, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That place of surrender where you can truly "let go and let God".
A verse that I always find refuge in is:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I know He has incredible plans for you and Charming and I hope He reveals them soon or at least brings peace to your heart in the meantime. Keep your head up and keep writing. I know this place will always give you the encouragement you need.
I'm really sorry. It does seem like the people who have the most children are the ones who probably shouldn't be having them at all. I know people say stress is a big factor in fertility, and I'm sure I don't know the half of the stress you've been under lately. Take care of yourself, both for your and your future baby's sake.
I'm sorry, friend :( I know so many great people who would make wonderful parents who weren't able to conceive, but I'm not adding you to that list! Maybe you should take a year off from trying so hard - just relax, focus on other things, and work on your marriage, your job, your family...if you work on things that you KNOW you can improve, this may just sneak in there when you're doing other stuff.
Stop trying! :)
I've heard that works for others.
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